There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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