does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
