two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
