if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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