he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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