got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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