she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
