i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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