Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
