The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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