I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
