Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I need moral support for this bender
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
