I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
