Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
