Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
