I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
