she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize