SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
