do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
