Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dear god my vagina.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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