Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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