The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
they need to just BURY HIM!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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