flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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