I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
