your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
