No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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