Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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