i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't turn off my feet"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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