We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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