friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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