dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
