I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
