I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
