I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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