maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
