Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
