so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
