at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
