You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
