Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
