suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
