How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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