Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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