I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so that wasnt chicken after all
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
