You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize