Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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