I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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