the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
