checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
