Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
