Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
