Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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