I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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