I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
