If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
