Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize