Me too!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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