My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
