hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
