good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize