I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
