he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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