I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
