guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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