Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
