We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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