Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
