my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I want to be your penis for a week.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
