LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's the barista slut.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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