Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
