i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
