Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
