At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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