everyone is single if you try hard enough
they need to just BURY HIM!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
