my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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