hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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