note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
