She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
