perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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