The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
