I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize