it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
