Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
