i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
