he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Even my vagina gasped.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
