Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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