Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
