He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
