How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
