Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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