She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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