I wanna passion pit in your ass
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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