And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
literally had 100 drinks last night.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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