He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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