yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
