Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
