Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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