last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
