Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
