I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
