Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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