i just wanna soil my oats bro
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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