i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
