I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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