Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
