Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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