If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
