Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am naked and annoyed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
