how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
