how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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