just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
