3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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