check it out our google latitudes are spooning
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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