just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
