Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
