He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
