My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
