you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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