What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
