i just snorted my name. best moment ever
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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