I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
