Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
