It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We talked him into tasing himself.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He better not be in your backpack
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
