She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
