toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
