It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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