I cut my penus on the lid.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
