It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
